Missile Attack On My Way To The Book Fair
You read it right this weeks blog post is about a missile attack, here's the story.
My Wednesday (Oct. 26th) had started off pretty normal, I woke up, went to work, business as usual. During my work day I received a text message from my ex wife informing me that my children were to have a book fair that evening and that they'd like me to attend (smart kids, get mom and dad to go so you get more books!). Being a supportive father I decided to rearrange my schedule for the evening so that I could attend this incredibly important (according to my kids) event. I finished up at work and dashed for home to get cleaned up and ready to go. I was washed and shaven, I had even gone so far as to put on a nice button up shirt so as not to embarrass my kids by being the only scroungy bastard there wearing work clothes. I left my house 5 minutes early and everything was falling into place perfectly, no slow moving traffic, not a single red light, the world was rotating in my favor. I was southbound on a 2 lane highway with a smile and a cool breeze on my face (I had my window cracked a little to let the fresh air in) listening to the whoosh of the other cars as they went by in the oncoming lane.
This is where my little story takes a turn. While I was happily on my way to the book fair, not a care in the world, while apparently the anti-aircraft/tank/submarine/alien fucking spacecraft division of the special forces task team was in the command room planning my demise.
I was cruising down the road at 55 mph in my lifted f350 4 wheel drive v10 (bang on chest and make man noises) crew cab pickup when I noticed an oncoming pickup with a very large trailer in tow. Being a courteous driver I eased my way over to give the oncoming truck a little more room to make passing me more comfortable for him. Little did I know the trailer he was towing was equipped with an invisible Russian sniper rifle tank that shoots flaming bullets filled with bees, exploding knives, and paper cuts.
I was nearly in the emergency lane when the truck passed, plenty of room for him and his large trailer to go by with ease. The truck went by then the trailer, then BOOOOOOOOM! An incredible crash rang through my ears, right next to my head. I felt the glass pieces start to hit the side of my face and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'd just been shot by a fucking missile! My eyes flinched at the noise and the airborne debris as I tried to keep the truck from leaving the pavement, my heart raced as I fought the urge to swerve away from shattering glass. I looked to my drivers side window to see what was going on and found nothing but shattered glass still being held together by the thin film of window tint I was now SOOO glad had been installed. I had shit my panties and eaten most of the material on my drivers seat.
I gathered my wits and quickly pulled the truck to the side of the road to face the invading army that had begun to fire on my vehicle. If not that then certainly a severe car accident had just happened next to me and had drug me into the carnage, maybe a helicopter attack, at this point I didn't know, I couldn't see anything through the broken glass of my window!
As soon as I got the truck safely stopped on the side of the road I jumped out to face certain death, afterall I was obviously going to be out gunned and I knew for sure that they had a tank and missiles. I immediately scanned my surroundings and just as I'd feared the invading army had vanished and they'd made the tank on the back of the seemingly empty trailer invisible again. Cowards! I was ready for a fight and they were nowhere to be seen, just the taillights of an empty trailer disappearing into the sunset on an open highway. Below is a photo of the point of impact where the missile hit.
I pulled the glass from the door frame and threw it into the bed of the pickup, I had promised to be at that book fair and it had become clear that my attackers weren't interested in a fist fight, so I jumped back in the truck and headed on down the road.
I knew what had to be done so I made a phone call.........to Chris the best glass guy I know (I'd put his contact information here but I think he's planning to order some magnet calendars from us this year with his business information on them, so you'll have to get a hold of one of those if you want to get in touch with him. Just keep in mind that he's done a lot of glass work for me and comes highly recommended! lol), he dropped everything and immediately got me scheduled for new glass the next day.
That next morning, after a cold windowless drive to work (my glass appointment wasn't until that evening) I decided to take a closer look at the shattered window to see if I could determine the exact type of weapon they'd used in the attack. With daylight on my side I gave a thorough inspection and determined what some of you have been thinking this entire time; It was just a rock, it had jumped up from the tire on the trailer and hit my window.....You have to admit that would have been a pretty boring story, my version was a lot more interesting. LOL
Thank you for reading this weeks blog post.
Clint J. Grover
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